It’s been a while since I’ve written a personal post – it seems like the past month has consisted of product reviews and other people’s stories… When you’re under a lot of stress, it’s sometimes difficult to put your own thoughts into words - describing how gloriously relaxing your bath is remains an easier option! Last night, the Child Support Agency (CSA) left a message on my phone and today I found out why…
I’ve mentioned before that I was a teen parent and, until I met Paul, relied exclusively on help from my Mum and Dad as I coped with being a single mother. My daughter’s dad was never really around and has only contributed sporadically to her upbringing over the course of her life. This year she will be 10 – I can’t believe I’ve managed to keep a whole other human alive for a decade when I can barely look after myself!
After finishing today’s lunch, I suddenly realised I needed to call the CSA back and find out what their message was all about. These phone calls usually fill me with fear – my ex-partner does not have the best reputation for being reliable, so any conversation with the CSA usually ends in disappointment. A couple of weeks ago, I was sent a revised payment schedule after the agency finally tracked down his latest place of work… Today I found out he no longer works there!
You can imagine my frustration – I work hard to provide for my child, make sure she never wants for anything, while her father continues to ignore her very existence! He never contacts me or sees his child, he continually drifts between jobs and whenever the CSA question him, he maintains that she is no longer his daughter as she has been adopted. While I would agree that he should no longer have parental responsibility if Paul had adopted her, the fact remains that she cannot be adopted because he refuses to give his permission!
I’m sorry, but if you want to be a parent then you should provide for your child and be part of their life!!
Before anyone misunderstands the purpose of my rant – it’s not about the money. Given his unreliability, I have always planned my finances without expecting any contribution from my ex. It's just that I'm now more concerned about how his absence is affecting my daughter. Despite calling Paul ‘dad’, she is at an age where she understands relationships much more and regularly asks me why her ‘real dad’ doesn’t see her. I have never restricted his access, even when adoption was a consideration, but he has failed to make any effort for almost 10 years!
Despite trying to explain that Paul is a better dad than she could ever hope for, I often feel like my words are of little comfort - I know she still feels like something is missing. While I know she has very little respect for the guy, it’s clear that she still feels a sense of curiosity about him. I’ve asked her if she wants me to contact him, but her only response is ‘I don’t know’.
So I suppose my question is - what do I do next? I don’t want her to see him and be disappointed, but what would hurt her the least? Do I try to contact him, or should I hope that he will eventually make an effort of his own accord (perhaps he might even see this post)?
I’m sure I’m not the only one to encounter this problem and I would love to hear of any advice you guys could offer!Follow my blog with Bloglovin